Saturday, January 22, 2011
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Stuck
I'm stuck. I just got a promotion at work but all I can think about is how much more of my life that place is going to take up now. The monotony of my life is breaking down my moral. It's not that I'm too depressed to enjoy fun things, I'm too busy and too tired to even put together fun plans. Nothing is ever new, nothing is exciting. I go to work, I eat the same meals all the time, I do yoga, I sleep. Every once in a while I get to see a new movie. Sometimes Jon and I go out to eat, but always to the same places where we get the same things. Even my "vacations" aren't adventurous. They're always to the same places with my family.
I thrive off new experiences, learning, growing. My tank is too small so my growth has stunted. The idea of living in Massachusetts for another four years is horrifying, despite its practicality. Perhaps the reasonableness of staying is part of my revulsion. Lately all my fantasies are about moving to Costa Rica or Australia. I want to start over somewhere completely foreign. The idea of being an expat seems so romantic and exotic. I need some romance and exoticism in my life so badly it hurts. I'm caught between a painful nostalgia for things that I'll never be able to experience again and a life ahead that lives only in fantasies and daydreams. I'm not in a position right now to make extravagant plans. The only plan I have is to apply to graduate programs and earn my MFA. That's something I can accomplish and will, but while I'll be applying very soon I won't be attending until next year. That seems so infinitely far away. I need something to sustain me. I need uplifting, a boost. Change.
I thrive off new experiences, learning, growing. My tank is too small so my growth has stunted. The idea of living in Massachusetts for another four years is horrifying, despite its practicality. Perhaps the reasonableness of staying is part of my revulsion. Lately all my fantasies are about moving to Costa Rica or Australia. I want to start over somewhere completely foreign. The idea of being an expat seems so romantic and exotic. I need some romance and exoticism in my life so badly it hurts. I'm caught between a painful nostalgia for things that I'll never be able to experience again and a life ahead that lives only in fantasies and daydreams. I'm not in a position right now to make extravagant plans. The only plan I have is to apply to graduate programs and earn my MFA. That's something I can accomplish and will, but while I'll be applying very soon I won't be attending until next year. That seems so infinitely far away. I need something to sustain me. I need uplifting, a boost. Change.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Baby Envy
So. I work at an ice cream parlor that is also a coffee shop. It's a local chain with (soon to be) 10 stores in and around the Boston area. The location I work at is in the 'burbs and I swear to god every single person who comes in is a woman with six kids who is 12 months pregnant. I have never SEEN so many preggy laddies. They're all enormously pregnant. None of them are just showing a little bit. They're all whales. And they ALL already have at least one kid with them. They have these enormous strollers that take up the WHOLE STORE and no one can get past them to get to the register so there's always this huge line even if there are only four adults in the store because they're all pregnant and have seven kids with them. And all their kids are screaming because they wanted their ice cream to be a different COLOR or they wanted it on a CONE and because it's not neon green and on a cone it is completely inedible and they WON'T WON'T WON'T eat it no matter what! These children also just fucking love to smear their ice creamy fingers all over the windows while pressing their faces up against the glass. And I have to smile and ask them how many toppings they would like or explain gently that our mint ice cream isn't green but that doesn't make it any less minty.
I hate these children and I hate their parents who just let them scream about nothing. I also hate the parents who will just give their kids whatever they want to get them to shut up. And by this I mean they will demand that we change or fix whatever it is their kid is screaming about. Actually I think I prefer the parents who just let their kids scream and don't give in to their bullshit. It's fucking ice cream. Just eat it. Who gives a fuck if it's on a cone or if it's not green. You'll eat it and like it.
The problem is that my uterus gives a wiggle every time I see one of these preggy women with their six kids. I want what they have. I want kids. Not six, just two. But I want them. I want to have a kid so badly that sometimes it hurts. I don't want one RIGHT NOW because we don't have any money and I'm just not ready yet. My uterus is unconvinced though. It wants babies NOW because you're not getting any younger, Cindy, and time is fucking running out!!!11
I think that what I really envy about these women is that they can clearly afford to have all these children. They can afford to stay home with their army while their husband or trust fund does all the bread winning. They are fortunate enough to be financially secure. They have enough money to squeeze out a kid or two for every year they've been married.
I, however, work as a barista in an ice cream shop for $8/hr. I have to explain to these women that yes, a small ice cream is $4 and when you get an even dozen $4 ice cream scoops you're going to have to pay a bit of money. Has anyone else in a service type job noticed that people who pay for something that's $4 with a $100 bill never tip? And they always complain about how expensive everything is? Unless that $100 is the only money you have in all the world you have no right to bitch so shut the fuck up and eat your frozen sugar milk.
Some day the boyfriend and I plan on having enough money to live comfortably with proper budgeting and such. We are both going to be significantly in debt for a good long while before that though. At this point my uterus will have gone off to greener pastures by the time our inflow of $$ > our debts.
I envy that these women can afford children. I want what they have situationally (it's a word now!), not just their status as a mother. I swear some of these "women" are my age or younger. That seems so young. I understand that 25 is only 5 years away from 30 but I still don't feel like an adult and I don't know if I ever will. I know that I'm not financially or emotionally ready to have kids.... So why are these women somehow more "adult" than I am? How is it that these women seem so much more mature than I see myself as being?
I just don't understand.
Also if you are one of these parents that brings their 11 seater stroller into a very cramped ice cream shop and then gets angry when they don't fit or people are tripping over their kids trying to pay for ice cream then fuck you. I hope you catch on fire. Not really but I hope you stub your toes a LOT. Or get paper cuts all the time. Something REALLY annoying but not at all life threatening. Your ungrateful little monsters don't deserve ice cream. I don't think I've ever heard one of these kids say "thank you mommy!" and that makes me die a little inside ever time.
I hate these children and I hate their parents who just let them scream about nothing. I also hate the parents who will just give their kids whatever they want to get them to shut up. And by this I mean they will demand that we change or fix whatever it is their kid is screaming about. Actually I think I prefer the parents who just let their kids scream and don't give in to their bullshit. It's fucking ice cream. Just eat it. Who gives a fuck if it's on a cone or if it's not green. You'll eat it and like it.
The problem is that my uterus gives a wiggle every time I see one of these preggy women with their six kids. I want what they have. I want kids. Not six, just two. But I want them. I want to have a kid so badly that sometimes it hurts. I don't want one RIGHT NOW because we don't have any money and I'm just not ready yet. My uterus is unconvinced though. It wants babies NOW because you're not getting any younger, Cindy, and time is fucking running out!!!11
I think that what I really envy about these women is that they can clearly afford to have all these children. They can afford to stay home with their army while their husband or trust fund does all the bread winning. They are fortunate enough to be financially secure. They have enough money to squeeze out a kid or two for every year they've been married.
I, however, work as a barista in an ice cream shop for $8/hr. I have to explain to these women that yes, a small ice cream is $4 and when you get an even dozen $4 ice cream scoops you're going to have to pay a bit of money. Has anyone else in a service type job noticed that people who pay for something that's $4 with a $100 bill never tip? And they always complain about how expensive everything is? Unless that $100 is the only money you have in all the world you have no right to bitch so shut the fuck up and eat your frozen sugar milk.
Some day the boyfriend and I plan on having enough money to live comfortably with proper budgeting and such. We are both going to be significantly in debt for a good long while before that though. At this point my uterus will have gone off to greener pastures by the time our inflow of $$ > our debts.
I envy that these women can afford children. I want what they have situationally (it's a word now!), not just their status as a mother. I swear some of these "women" are my age or younger. That seems so young. I understand that 25 is only 5 years away from 30 but I still don't feel like an adult and I don't know if I ever will. I know that I'm not financially or emotionally ready to have kids.... So why are these women somehow more "adult" than I am? How is it that these women seem so much more mature than I see myself as being?
I just don't understand.
Also if you are one of these parents that brings their 11 seater stroller into a very cramped ice cream shop and then gets angry when they don't fit or people are tripping over their kids trying to pay for ice cream then fuck you. I hope you catch on fire. Not really but I hope you stub your toes a LOT. Or get paper cuts all the time. Something REALLY annoying but not at all life threatening. Your ungrateful little monsters don't deserve ice cream. I don't think I've ever heard one of these kids say "thank you mommy!" and that makes me die a little inside ever time.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Everything is now
Things that have been occupying my headspace lately:
I don't mean to seem like I care about material things
Like a social status
I just want four walls and adobe slats
For my girls
Strawberry cupcakes, strawberry butter cream. I dipped one in chocolate at work (I work in an ice cream/coffee place and we dip waffle cones in chocolate and roll them in sprinkles. I used our dipping chocolate.)
These cupcakes were the most magical things ever. The liners, when peeled away, looked like stained glass. I want to bake these again and save all the cupcake liners to dip in resin. I don't really know what I'll do from there but I want to make art out of them. They were too fantastic not to be used.
Seriously awesome cupcake liner!
Strawberry cupcakes baked in wafer cones. The pink icing is strawberry butter cream and the blue is vanilla. The strawberry butter cream was much more awesome than the vanilla. Vanilla is just too... Vanilla.
About to get new
I'm going to be using this blog again soon. I have some photos of yummy baked things I've made and some crochet pieces I'm working on. Hopefully at some point I'll have some sketches and bigger sculptures to show. I'm working on a way to create the installation type things I have floating around in my head with the limited space I have available. I might have to do some guerrilla style street installations but I'm afraid of getting caught by the cops and having to explain to them why I needed to cover a sidewalk with icing/cake batter, or why I just covered that cow statue with leg warmers... I like the idea of anonymous mischief but I'm afraid of being caught and then not being so anonymous. I need an accomplice!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Midterms
This semester has been kicking my ass a little. I've been so busy keeping up with my liberal arts classes that my art has been suffering and it's making me feel very frustrated, resentful, and imbalanced. I don't enjoy any of these feelings! I want to get back to whatever emotional space I was in last semester because damn was I on fire.
Thankfully I have 9 full days to get my shit together artistically. The biggest problem I'm having right now is that all my studio visits have focused purely on what's not working, where the problems lie, what I shouldn't do. I'm feeling very discouraged by this. I supposed I'm very gullible that way. It's not that "people don't understand my art!" it's not about that at all. I feel like my work is so personal that you're never really going to be able to grasp everything about it. Mostly I make things for myself and myself alone. I am my audience and the rest of the world really isn't considered. Not that I'm making work thinking that no one will see it or just disregarding the idea that people will see it and interpret it. I'm just not so concerned with that stuff. It's sort of secondary to my experience as an object maker.
So the problem that I'm having is that everything is a problem. I feel like I'm never offered potential solutions like some of the other students. That might be because usually I totally disregard any solutions someone else presents me with because I usually don't feel any connection to "their" way of working. But right now I'm sort of lost and in need of suggestions if only to know what I don't want to do. I feel like anything would be helpful because it could give me a spring board into something else.
I'm gonna get Petterson into my studio to work some shit out. He's very good at helping to facilitate my personal thinking process without trying to force HIS thinking process on the work or me. I really appreciate that ability of his. Bradley always wants me to use his way of thinking and honestly I just can't think like a 50 year old gay man. He forms these opinions about who we are as people from our work and our brief convorsations in the studio and thinks he knows everything about you. He really pushes this model he's built up in his head on you. He expects you to forever act that way. The problem is that the model of you he's built is usually pretty wrong and almost prejudice in a way. He doesn't seem to understand that college is a time of rapid growth and change. Every semester it's almost like I'm a different person and I need a teacher who is willing to take the time to rethink their idea of who I am.
The problem with Bradley thinking he knows everything about is that he'll interperet your work from that angle. He'll force these ideas on the work as if that's really what I was going for. When I was making the rock shaped pillows out of my old clothes, Bradley saw the work as simply being about fat and fatness. He looked at the work and thought "this is work about Cindy being FAT. She's just mad because she's FAT!" While he never said this to my face I could really tell that he was thinking it because it colored every suggestion he had for me. He wanted me to make the stones all about weight and how much I weigh. It wasn't about being fat. Those pieces were about shedding, renewing, and being comfortable with my shape. I don't think I'm fat and it really bothered me that Bradley aproached the work as if it were all about being dissatisfied with my weight. (It's funny that since then I've lost a lot of weight.)
It was really great to have Inka and Steve come in and talk to me about my work and what they see. While I wasn't terribly fond of their work they still are intelligent people with a lot of useful things to say so their artwork isn't too important. It doesn't matter to me if I like the work or not as long as I'm learning from the person. They both had some really interesting reactions to my work and for that I'm thankful.
I'm spending my days trying to keep my feet under me. Sometimes it works and sometimes I fall on my ass.
Thankfully I have 9 full days to get my shit together artistically. The biggest problem I'm having right now is that all my studio visits have focused purely on what's not working, where the problems lie, what I shouldn't do. I'm feeling very discouraged by this. I supposed I'm very gullible that way. It's not that "people don't understand my art!" it's not about that at all. I feel like my work is so personal that you're never really going to be able to grasp everything about it. Mostly I make things for myself and myself alone. I am my audience and the rest of the world really isn't considered. Not that I'm making work thinking that no one will see it or just disregarding the idea that people will see it and interpret it. I'm just not so concerned with that stuff. It's sort of secondary to my experience as an object maker.
So the problem that I'm having is that everything is a problem. I feel like I'm never offered potential solutions like some of the other students. That might be because usually I totally disregard any solutions someone else presents me with because I usually don't feel any connection to "their" way of working. But right now I'm sort of lost and in need of suggestions if only to know what I don't want to do. I feel like anything would be helpful because it could give me a spring board into something else.
I'm gonna get Petterson into my studio to work some shit out. He's very good at helping to facilitate my personal thinking process without trying to force HIS thinking process on the work or me. I really appreciate that ability of his. Bradley always wants me to use his way of thinking and honestly I just can't think like a 50 year old gay man. He forms these opinions about who we are as people from our work and our brief convorsations in the studio and thinks he knows everything about you. He really pushes this model he's built up in his head on you. He expects you to forever act that way. The problem is that the model of you he's built is usually pretty wrong and almost prejudice in a way. He doesn't seem to understand that college is a time of rapid growth and change. Every semester it's almost like I'm a different person and I need a teacher who is willing to take the time to rethink their idea of who I am.
The problem with Bradley thinking he knows everything about is that he'll interperet your work from that angle. He'll force these ideas on the work as if that's really what I was going for. When I was making the rock shaped pillows out of my old clothes, Bradley saw the work as simply being about fat and fatness. He looked at the work and thought "this is work about Cindy being FAT. She's just mad because she's FAT!" While he never said this to my face I could really tell that he was thinking it because it colored every suggestion he had for me. He wanted me to make the stones all about weight and how much I weigh. It wasn't about being fat. Those pieces were about shedding, renewing, and being comfortable with my shape. I don't think I'm fat and it really bothered me that Bradley aproached the work as if it were all about being dissatisfied with my weight. (It's funny that since then I've lost a lot of weight.)
It was really great to have Inka and Steve come in and talk to me about my work and what they see. While I wasn't terribly fond of their work they still are intelligent people with a lot of useful things to say so their artwork isn't too important. It doesn't matter to me if I like the work or not as long as I'm learning from the person. They both had some really interesting reactions to my work and for that I'm thankful.
I'm spending my days trying to keep my feet under me. Sometimes it works and sometimes I fall on my ass.
Friday, January 2, 2009
new year, new semester, new art!
oh GOD i can't wait to get started again. i came back to sarasota with a million ideas and they just keep growing and growing. i'm going to be making a bunch of new plaques with little cindy sayings on them. i've already made one about elitist whores. the next one will probably be about my hypochondria and anxiety. i love them. the first one turned out so amazing and i think the whole idea is just crazy funny.
most of the work i'm doing/thinking about makes me laugh while i'm thinking about it, while i'm working on it and while i'm talking about it. i've never felt so in touch with my work. i've always felt that my work only exposed one small aspect of my being, but these things i'm making right now are like the essence of me. not that that makes any sense but whatever. i get it.
most of the work i'm doing/thinking about makes me laugh while i'm thinking about it, while i'm working on it and while i'm talking about it. i've never felt so in touch with my work. i've always felt that my work only exposed one small aspect of my being, but these things i'm making right now are like the essence of me. not that that makes any sense but whatever. i get it.
Friday, December 19, 2008
this girl has a mission
today is a day of travel! this next week and a half are going to be spent smoking with the fam, learning to knit with garbage and playing in the snow. oh SNOW! how i've missed you! you don't happen in florida and it makes me sad.
my christmas gift this year is an ultrasound of my abdomen to find out what's wrong with me! yay! i'm sure it could be much worse though. i could get a baseball for christmas... or a gift card to some sort of math based something. not that i don't like math... i just don't want to do it when i don't have to. unless i'm bored and my grandaddy is showing me how to find the square route of i. that's right. we do those kinds of things for FUN.
christmas brings out the crazy in families. mine is already crazy.
my christmas gift this year is an ultrasound of my abdomen to find out what's wrong with me! yay! i'm sure it could be much worse though. i could get a baseball for christmas... or a gift card to some sort of math based something. not that i don't like math... i just don't want to do it when i don't have to. unless i'm bored and my grandaddy is showing me how to find the square route of i. that's right. we do those kinds of things for FUN.
christmas brings out the crazy in families. mine is already crazy.
Monday, November 24, 2008
there's something about animated propoganda that i just love!
20s gangster voice (that i learned from bugs bunny)
so i'm gonna take this tape, see? and i'm gonna cut out some words on a piece of paper, see? then i'm gonna put the piece of paper with the cut out letters on the tape and i'm gonna rub 'em together real good, see? and i'm gonna spread it on the floor, see? and then i'm gonna peel it up, see? and THEN i'm gonna RIP that tape off and entomb it forever in a block or RESIN, SEE!? SEE!?
/20s gangster voice (that i learned from bugs bunny)
so i'm gonna take this tape, see? and i'm gonna cut out some words on a piece of paper, see? then i'm gonna put the piece of paper with the cut out letters on the tape and i'm gonna rub 'em together real good, see? and i'm gonna spread it on the floor, see? and then i'm gonna peel it up, see? and THEN i'm gonna RIP that tape off and entomb it forever in a block or RESIN, SEE!? SEE!?
/20s gangster voice (that i learned from bugs bunny)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
evolution of ideas
so right now i'm working on some drawers. i have three, but i only have solid ideas for two. the first is going to have a folded outfit encased in resin. the second drawer is going to have an outfit that has been totally shredded. the third one might have a pair of shoes in it.. but i think the shoes are going to be a different piece. i'm just not sure what to do with the third drawer. i might fill it with cloth strips covered in wax. the point is to render these clothes/outfits completely unwearable, no matter what size i am, these clothes will never be wearable. once i get this rolling i think it's going to be a crazy strong piece. the only problem is that i don't have enough resin! i really hate having to ask my mother for money, but i don't have a job or a car so going out and making money before next thursday just isn't going to work.
today i'm going to start painting the drawers so that they can dry today and i can start filling them with things tomorrow! this weekend is going to be about getting things done, finishing things up and getting ready for thursday's thesis crit. i just hope that i can work around this whole money issue. telling your thesis teacher, senior year, that you can't make work because you don't have the money might be TRUE, but it's not going to save my ass.
today i'm going to start painting the drawers so that they can dry today and i can start filling them with things tomorrow! this weekend is going to be about getting things done, finishing things up and getting ready for thursday's thesis crit. i just hope that i can work around this whole money issue. telling your thesis teacher, senior year, that you can't make work because you don't have the money might be TRUE, but it's not going to save my ass.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
the plot so far.
this is my progress between last tuesday and thursday afternoon (before the crit.) 12 pieces in what amounts to about 2 days of work. not bad. these will grow over the next few weeks, but progress is going to be slower. i'm going to be dividing my time between sewing and sculpting and casting. there are going to be multiple incarnations of these stones and cairns. i think of the stones as individuals and the cairns as whole pieces.i'm going to be building some stones out of plaster and maybe stuffing and nylon. i'm not sure what's going to make the best base. maybe even clay. whatever will cost less. probably the nylon and stuffing and plaster. i'll have to ask wendy or john mack if i can use the school's plaster. i might need my own. maybe i can be sneaky? when i'm done building enough stones i'm going to start making molds from them and casting resin stones filled with layers of clothing, glitter, potato chips, various japanese paraphenalia i own. the list goes on and on. i don't think i'll stall out this time. i can't really fail with these things. i can make mistakes, but i can't just completely fail.
it's so amazingly freeing to have an idea that you feel is solid. i know that i'm going in the right direction.
Friday, October 10, 2008
thesis crits
yesterday was so good for me. i've never had a better crit. amanda got it right on the money. the cairns made out of my old clothes that don't fit me anymore (or that i thought would fit and just never did) are talking about who i used to be. they're the death of the person i was, the person i thought i was supposed to be. they're about saying i was here once. they're my reminder that i'm still alive. a memento mori that's also life affirming. people got it! i didn't have to sit and try to walk people through what these cairns were about. certainly some of my classmates didn't make the immediate connection, but that's either because they had never seen the symbol before or just didn't know what it meant.
for once i feel sure of myself, my abilities, my craftsmanship, my logic, my ideas. i'm finally excited about my thesis. i can imaging the next few weeks being really integral. i think, now that ideas are free flowing, i'll be able to get a lot done in a pretty short time. i have about a month before orals, so i have about four weeks to just make make make.
i'm playing with layers, history, disappointment, fear, death and rebirth. i need to make the death part more felt. i need to really emphasize the absence in the work. the absence being the thing that i'm symbolically killing and erecting a memorial to. i'm not sure if these things belong in a gallery, or if they belong on location (don't know the location yet though.) i'll find the right place. i know in my gut that i'm not going to have to fight with these things like i've fought with the eyes or my paintings and drawings. i don't want the creation of art to be a battle. i want it to be a peaceful collaboration between all the parts of my brain and my body. the zen like aspect of the 'stones', the making, the stacking, is really important. because these things are so specific i'm not having any trouble setting rules for myself.
rules are so important. i'm examining my rules and structure. where it needs to be changed i'll make them. these rules will really inform my work. my thesis is going to be really strong as long as i follow through with this. plus i'll get to use resin again and i LOVE resin!
and thanks so much to shawn for talking directly to me, not talking to the room in general. i don't think what he said would have had the same impact if he hadn't been looking right into my eyes while talking to me. his comments stood out the most (besides amanda's brilliant comment and i will love her forever for really understanding that aspect) and helped me the most. i understood what shawn was telling me and i'm really going to take it to heart. really i want to thank everyone who commented. everything that was said (even the few comments that were condescending/judgemental/totally wrong) sparked a dialog between cori and i. there was so much to digest, consider and talk about. it was so great!
for once i feel sure of myself, my abilities, my craftsmanship, my logic, my ideas. i'm finally excited about my thesis. i can imaging the next few weeks being really integral. i think, now that ideas are free flowing, i'll be able to get a lot done in a pretty short time. i have about a month before orals, so i have about four weeks to just make make make.
i'm playing with layers, history, disappointment, fear, death and rebirth. i need to make the death part more felt. i need to really emphasize the absence in the work. the absence being the thing that i'm symbolically killing and erecting a memorial to. i'm not sure if these things belong in a gallery, or if they belong on location (don't know the location yet though.) i'll find the right place. i know in my gut that i'm not going to have to fight with these things like i've fought with the eyes or my paintings and drawings. i don't want the creation of art to be a battle. i want it to be a peaceful collaboration between all the parts of my brain and my body. the zen like aspect of the 'stones', the making, the stacking, is really important. because these things are so specific i'm not having any trouble setting rules for myself.
rules are so important. i'm examining my rules and structure. where it needs to be changed i'll make them. these rules will really inform my work. my thesis is going to be really strong as long as i follow through with this. plus i'll get to use resin again and i LOVE resin!
and thanks so much to shawn for talking directly to me, not talking to the room in general. i don't think what he said would have had the same impact if he hadn't been looking right into my eyes while talking to me. his comments stood out the most (besides amanda's brilliant comment and i will love her forever for really understanding that aspect) and helped me the most. i understood what shawn was telling me and i'm really going to take it to heart. really i want to thank everyone who commented. everything that was said (even the few comments that were condescending/judgemental/totally wrong) sparked a dialog between cori and i. there was so much to digest, consider and talk about. it was so great!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
clothes cairns
my cairns aren't made of stone. instead they're sewn from clothes of mine that either don't fit anymore or never fit right to begin with. i'm trying to take the viewer on a journey of the struggles i've had with my weight and with finding clothes that fit my body type. it's something that most women and a lot of men can relate to. i'm constantly trying to catch up with myself. my mental idea of who i am doesn't always fit the way i might be presented to other people.
i think these cairns are probably going to get the most reaction tomorrow in thesis. at least thats what i'm hoping for. i've stalled out mentally on my eye shapes. i don't really know for sure what they mean anymore and i'm not sure they're saying what i wanted them to mean in the first place. i don't what to completely abandon them because i do feel a connection. i might have to leave them for a couple of weeks or a month and focus on these cairns and where they might take me. maybe then i can come back to the eye shapes feeling fresh again.
i might have more little doodles from this red notebook. i'm storing my life and my thoughts in it so there's always more weirdness to dissect.
this is a blog.
i am a girl.
i'm not sure what i'm going to do with this space. probably put up pictures of my art, my life, talk about stuff. you know, all those original things that no one else EVER uses a blog for.
i'm not sure what i'm going to do with this space. probably put up pictures of my art, my life, talk about stuff. you know, all those original things that no one else EVER uses a blog for.
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